Social Interaction 2015, a Pre-Assessment

Along with blogging every other week, my New Year’s Resolution is to make progress socially. What does that even mean though? For the last oh, I don’t know, six years, my resolution has been consistent: get kissed. Of course the motivation behind the resolution has evolved throughout the years starting with the sixteen year old version of me thinking this was a standard thing high school girls should experience to the eighteen year old thinking it was kinda weird it hasn’t happened yet. Next came the twenty year old version looking up “never been kissed” websites and forums to the twenty-one year old thinking “can a person really graduate college without kissing a single boy” disappointments. With 2015 quickly approaching the twenty-two year old me started to revaluate. At this rate I will be 26 with a ten year resolution still incomplete. I just couldn’t accept the fact that I haven’t changed at all in the last six years.

Boo-hoo right? The smart, pretty girl with an awesome family and friends is shy around guys, tough luck. No darn it, I have a problem but that problem is not my dating history. I am socially awkward, self-diagnosed so take it with a grain of salt, but socially awkward to boot. What does this mean exactly? The eighteen year old version of me would never have been seen at a party and although she could have a wedding party with seventeen bridesmaids, her social interactions didn’t expand much further than that and what good is a bride and bridesmaids without a groom? Somehow I evolved into an “adult” with different friend groups who is all-too familiar with the bar scene, has been on multiple dates, and can have a conversation with a stranger if really necessary.  So I have changed, if not in a measurable way.

As I don’t have the time nor energy to create quantitative measures, I figured the least I could do was a pre-assessment of my social graces to come up with a qualitative measure of where I am at to date. If, at the end of 2015 a post-assessment shows growth, I will consider this year’s resolution resolved kiss or no kiss.

First the pros (permission to brag about myself here): I have that amazing family I am always bragging about to keep me sane and yell at me when I don’t go out. I have multiple groups of friends that find me hilarious that I rely on, that I get into mischief with and that force me to talk to people even if it’s just to say hi. I get really ballsy when sticking up for my friends. I can push my way through any crowd to order a round of cheep draft beer. I know how to dress for any occasion. I have really funny days. I haven’t killed any of my dates with my awkwardness. I am a decent texter. I have guy friends. I create those “remember when” moments often ($15 dollar glass of whiskey, communal beer with 7 straws…) and I do my fair share of DDing and still manage to have fun when I am stone-cold sober. I have pretty much mastered the art of karaoke (not, but at least I have fun). I am an awesome wing-woman.

The cons: I still don’t remember that thing known as eye-contact. I can’t take a compliment (seriously don’t compliment my appearance of I’ll sober you right up) I pee, like all the time. I’m horrible with names. Unfamiliar guys turn me into a sober Bing Bang Theory Raj. I have nights where I am acting like the average socialite and then I have nights where I sit in the corner booth paralyzed with fear. Some nights I’m on and others I am so off you’d think I was a twelve year old girl at a frat party wondering why she wasn’t home playing with her American Girl dolls and why those guys were being so obnoxious around the keg. Sometimes I drink too much. Sometimes I can’t bring myself to have a single drink and sometimes I hate on the whole world. Sometimes I forget to say hi back. I never say hi first. I need to remember to introduce myself and fix my terrible hand-shake. I never let myself look for love. I am terrible at karaoke.

I have definitely improved since my early years, but I clearly have a ways to go. I need to remember that everyone is a person and vulnerable and just looking for a good time and not trying to judge me, sleep with me, or make fun of me. Guys, girls, family, I just need to make a better effort to be personable and myself. I have two personalities: Erin is the best thing to happen since sliced bread, seriously I’m great, and Erin is the most awkward person alive who might just die alone for lack of trying.  I need to find that girl in the middle.

I have so many stories to tell and I promise this year I will tell them, as long as I laugh at myself and reflect on my cons I’m bound to grow somehow, yes? Just say yes and appease me please. So no, this year I don’t want a boyfriend, or ten dates, or a goodnight kiss, I want to be less awkward. I wouldn’t be myself without my uncomfortable embarrassing stories but I can change the way I approach a crowd,  where my gaze lands on the person I am talking to, and what I say to those strangers I meet out there in this crazy world. Root me on, make fun of me behind my back, or test me as I approach this new year. 2015 I am coming for you, undoubtedly I’ll trip and fall face-first a few times but as long as I keep moving I think I’ll pass my test. If not, I’m sure I’ll fudge the scores a little bit next December to at least make it look like I did.